I want to be an Independent Senator so that I can put my mouth in my ass and collect $14,000 per month. With only four sittings for the month and an occasional special committee’s sitting that is quite a sum. More so, I can enjoy tax breaks to buy the luxury car that I have always been dreaming about. (I may still not have the money to do so given my poor financial status.) I would enjoy the status of Independent Senator with invitations to President House and other state sponsored parties to hobnob with the ruling Who is Who. Most importantly, I would be able to access contracts and other benefits from the State.
However, when I told my friend Ravi, he said that “it would be difficult for you to put your mouth in your ass because you don’t practice yoga.” He was right because I don’t have a culture of regular physical exercise, more so to contort by body to stick my mouth in my ass.
Ravi said: “Once you start sticking your mouth in your ass, you develop a kind of nausea that makes you unresponsive to the irresponsible statements and attacks on the Hindu community.”
“What do you mean?” I enquired. He said: “Once your mouth up in your ass, you would not hear the comments such as ‘people have money to shop at Divali Nagar but not to pay property taxes.”
“But I need to earn some extra cash. I am now finding it impossible to meet my monthly expenses, more so to fulfil my dream to travel the world and sleep in a five- star hotel,” I pleaded. Ravi was silent and his thought appeared to be far away-in Guyana. “I think you should try your luck in Guyana,” said Ravi. “Guyana is afloat with petrol dollars and offers a golden opportunity to make some quick buck.”
“Boy, all you have to do is align yourself with the PPPC. You are a writer, isn’t it? Just write a few articles praising President Irfan Ali and you good to go?” advised Ravi.
“But I have written articles criticizing the government’s failure to re-open the sugar cane estates that the Granger government closed,” I responded.
“That is the f…king problem with you…you never learn to kiss ass,” said Ravi, pacing the floor and staring me in the eyes. “You are an asshole…. you must learn to kiss ass if you want something from a government.”
“That is impossible. I think I have some integrity and I am not going to surrender my values for a few dollars more,” I said in my self-righteous tone.
“Well, that is the name of the game. Kiss ass and you get want you want. Don’t kiss ass, and you are not going to drive that luxury car or sleep in a five-star hotel,” said Ravi.
I trusted Ravi’s opinion. He is always objective and rational, not allowing his emotions to come in the way. On the other hand, I am still allowing my dharmic values to dictate my life style.
“But look at Modi. He sold chai on the railway platform and today he is the Indian Prime Minister.” I said to Ravi.
Ravi said: “I agree with you. As a chaiwala Modi learned to work hard. He developed positive attitudes which he transferred to the governance of India.”
“And his government is doing well,” I said. “Modi is transforming India into a global power.”
Ravi responded: “The reality is you are not Modi and Trinidad is not India. Here you can rise to the top only by putting your mouth in your ass and pretending all is well.”
“I am not ready to put my mouth in my ass,” I said.
“That is why they kicked your ass out of the Flour Mill after two years,” Ravi reminded me.
I went dumb…putting my mouth up in my ass!